If I die tonight

Lately, this question always pop up on my mind. What if i die tonight?

What will happen to me? 

I heard, my soul will come out from my body, and wanders away until Death come to fetch me. Is it true? If it is, I think it is scary.

What will happen to my family?

1) Less one family member. Less jokes. Less laundry to wash, less food to cook.. More chores for mum, more room for my sisters... Its not easy, but God provides.. I believe that.

2) I hope they miss me every now and then, not only on my death anniversaries or birthdays. 

3) I hope they will pray for my soul.

4) I hope someone will comfort mum, because we're very close.. Sorry mum, no one to massage you from now on.

What will happen to my friends?

1) I do hope they will come for my funeral, especially the closest ones. 

2) I hope they pray for my soul. Seeing Death is scary thoughts. 

3) They will still visit my family although I'm no longer here. 

What will happen to my love?

I'm not worried. God's plan, He sent some angel friends long time ago to keep him occupied when I'm gone. I believe he will soon forget about me and move on. I wish him all the best too. I know he can do it. And these angels will take care of him. 

Sorry I'm being emotional a bit about this. Its just that I can't tell these people how much I love them. Because saying or thinking the word LOVE makes me cry. Did I share enough love with them? I'm just trying my best to LOVE everyone, and hope I didn't hurt anyone along the way. If there is, I hope you could forgive me and pray for my soul when I'm gone. 

#lovingcanhurtsometimes #ifidietonight

Be careful what you wish for

Cliche yet true, when someone said that. 

DON'T wish for other's life, you don't know what they have gone through to be what they are now. 

DON'T wish for you partner to be like your friend's, cause they are who they were when you fall for him/her. 

DON'T wish for another family, cause this family is the best suits you NOW. (IF you could have one your own in the future, be sure to treat them well, they might think the same as you now)

DON'T wish for a better teacher, instead be a better student.

DON'T wish for a bright sunny day so you could play outside, instead enjoy the comfort to snuggle in your blankie while it rain outside. 

How we see life today, determines who we are tomorrow. 

Take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Struggles in life, loss and pain that we endure, are memories created. The harder the fall, but IF we can rise up again, HIGHER, the more we can appreciate things we have. 

Life is too short

This morning i had a dream and it make me realise something I've been trying to avoid long time ago. DEATH. Short, but scares the soul out of me.

I watched Grey's Anatomy S11, E 21 yesterday. Meredith had to let Derek go. She studied his chart, she has to let him go. He will not survive the damages of the post-op. It was because the neuro-surgeon was at a dinner and was late by 1 hour 30mins to save him. 

It was the most heart breaking moment when the person you really love, have been love all this while, and you have to call it. You have to let them go. 

In my dream last night, I lost Chris, in a split moment, like Meredith, have to let him go. Told you, it freaked me out. 

I could not remember what exactly happen, but it happened. And I felt helpless in that dream. 

I have been postponing to discuss about engagement, wedding and so fort because I want Chris to be ready, both of us. But the truth is, am I ready for both of us?

When I recall again the dream, I was terrified again. Life is too short that I could lose everything that I have this moment. Just like that. One moment you are breathing. Another second, you might be having a heart attack. And within that split seconds, you recall the life you had. That near death moment. DAMN. I hate to write about death. So serious, makes me wanna cry again. And I am, because it will happen anytime now.

Since then, I'm living my life in the moment. I can't change yesterday, but I can do something about it today. I'm uncertained about tomorrow, because I might not have the chance again. So, I'm living for today. What ever happens,

1. Forgive, forgiveness enlighten your soul.
2. You may not forget because things happen for you to learn, and do something about it.
3. Love, because love makes the world go round.
4. Be kind, and gentle, because it pays to be good. 

still a koolie

Have you ever felt like dragging yourself to work? I do. Cause I think I'm doing it everyday.

Work is not my passion now. I know that I need to earn money on the job. Its like you know you have to wear pants but you just don't want to do so. You want to wear skirt instead.  But does skirt suit me? You know what I mean rite?

I hope I can find a new job before my probation period ends, end of October.

Chloe is back!!

Hi all!

I've been away for so long from blogging, (as if i do it daily! LOL)

So, guess what??

CHLOE finally returns home. Hooray! It was a touching moment. When she landed with her father at the airport, and when I first saw her, I almost broke into tears. She refuses to hug or kiss us, as if we are strangers. When we reach home, she keep asking for the grandma, the mother's side. Mum took her, and hug her, "Here's nenek.. Don't cry baby..' It went on for few minutes, and she was okay.

The day she arrived, she refused to play with me too. I can't even touch her. Until she went to bed. She sleeps in the 'uyut' that night.

Next morning, she woke up and saw me wearing glasses. Ever since, she start to call me mommy. She mistakenly thought I am the mother because she remembers the mother wears glasses like mine. Her father also told me that, back at the Aunt's home in Kanowit, she calls her aunty, mommy too.

Today, its just 2 days before it turns exactly 4 months of her return. We are very of her return. She can get clingy to anyone close to her. But we are just too happy with it. Now I am feel like to wake her up and give her a hug before i leave for work. But doing that will make me cry too.. huhuhu.. I love her like my own.

Jom Menulis

Belum ada nama lagi untuk tulisan kali ni. Rasanya, nak mula menulis cerita-cerita pendek. Mungkin suatu hari nanti, aku bakal menjadi penulis novel seperti Fauziah Ashari, penulis novel 'Ombak Rindu'. Mana lah tahu, peminat sangat suka jalan cerita aku, sehingga boleh rakam filem, ceh, angan Mat Jenin betul la. Tapi, ke mana arah tuju, jika tidak di mulakan dengan angan-angan betul?

Aku sebenarnya tak pandai sangat menulis. Ayat tu kadang-kadang tunggang terbalik. Contohnya, nak tanya kat boyfriend aku mana nak makan, "Mana nak makan ni?". Kan terbalik tu... Sepatutnya, "Nak makan kat mana ni?" Alahai, Cikgu Mazni, maafkan anak murid mu ini, jika salah juga bahasa ni. Dulu tak pernah nak masuk kepala otak ni, apa benda ayat transitif la, ayat itu la, ini la, kata kerja la, macam-macam lagi la. Apa lagi Bahasa Inggeris. Dalam fikiran aku masa tu, nak lulus peperiksaan saja..

MY Blessing today!

Today, let us start counting our blessings.

Do you know that average adult human breathe 17,280 times a day? (say average breath a minute is 12, so 24hrs is 17,280 times). So, if every breath is a blessing, i received 17,280 blessing a day. Wow!

Whoever you met today is a blessing too! Even your family and acquaintance you see daily. Your path crosses with them, and they create or complete your day, regardless they upset you or make you happy. They are blessing from God. Either way, they make you realize that life has its own cycle, sometimes we're on top of the world, sometimes we're just have to be at the bottom cycle.

The food that we eat, the water that we use to bathe, a shelter, a job, and all of the routine that we undergone today. All are our blessing. Writing this makes me realize it too! 

So, THANK YOU GOD for the readers for reading this and sharing.