If I die tonight

Lately, this question always pop up on my mind. What if i die tonight?

What will happen to me? 

I heard, my soul will come out from my body, and wanders away until Death come to fetch me. Is it true? If it is, I think it is scary.

What will happen to my family?

1) Less one family member. Less jokes. Less laundry to wash, less food to cook.. More chores for mum, more room for my sisters... Its not easy, but God provides.. I believe that.

2) I hope they miss me every now and then, not only on my death anniversaries or birthdays. 

3) I hope they will pray for my soul.

4) I hope someone will comfort mum, because we're very close.. Sorry mum, no one to massage you from now on.

What will happen to my friends?

1) I do hope they will come for my funeral, especially the closest ones. 

2) I hope they pray for my soul. Seeing Death is scary thoughts. 

3) They will still visit my family although I'm no longer here. 

What will happen to my love?

I'm not worried. God's plan, He sent some angel friends long time ago to keep him occupied when I'm gone. I believe he will soon forget about me and move on. I wish him all the best too. I know he can do it. And these angels will take care of him. 

Sorry I'm being emotional a bit about this. Its just that I can't tell these people how much I love them. Because saying or thinking the word LOVE makes me cry. Did I share enough love with them? I'm just trying my best to LOVE everyone, and hope I didn't hurt anyone along the way. If there is, I hope you could forgive me and pray for my soul when I'm gone. 

#lovingcanhurtsometimes #ifidietonight

Be careful what you wish for

Cliche yet true, when someone said that. 

DON'T wish for other's life, you don't know what they have gone through to be what they are now. 

DON'T wish for you partner to be like your friend's, cause they are who they were when you fall for him/her. 

DON'T wish for another family, cause this family is the best suits you NOW. (IF you could have one your own in the future, be sure to treat them well, they might think the same as you now)

DON'T wish for a better teacher, instead be a better student.

DON'T wish for a bright sunny day so you could play outside, instead enjoy the comfort to snuggle in your blankie while it rain outside. 

How we see life today, determines who we are tomorrow. 

Take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Struggles in life, loss and pain that we endure, are memories created. The harder the fall, but IF we can rise up again, HIGHER, the more we can appreciate things we have. 

Life is too short

This morning i had a dream and it make me realise something I've been trying to avoid long time ago. DEATH. Short, but scares the soul out of me.

I watched Grey's Anatomy S11, E 21 yesterday. Meredith had to let Derek go. She studied his chart, she has to let him go. He will not survive the damages of the post-op. It was because the neuro-surgeon was at a dinner and was late by 1 hour 30mins to save him. 

It was the most heart breaking moment when the person you really love, have been love all this while, and you have to call it. You have to let them go. 

In my dream last night, I lost Chris, in a split moment, like Meredith, have to let him go. Told you, it freaked me out. 

I could not remember what exactly happen, but it happened. And I felt helpless in that dream. 

I have been postponing to discuss about engagement, wedding and so fort because I want Chris to be ready, both of us. But the truth is, am I ready for both of us?

When I recall again the dream, I was terrified again. Life is too short that I could lose everything that I have this moment. Just like that. One moment you are breathing. Another second, you might be having a heart attack. And within that split seconds, you recall the life you had. That near death moment. DAMN. I hate to write about death. So serious, makes me wanna cry again. And I am, because it will happen anytime now.

Since then, I'm living my life in the moment. I can't change yesterday, but I can do something about it today. I'm uncertained about tomorrow, because I might not have the chance again. So, I'm living for today. What ever happens,

1. Forgive, forgiveness enlighten your soul.
2. You may not forget because things happen for you to learn, and do something about it.
3. Love, because love makes the world go round.
4. Be kind, and gentle, because it pays to be good.